BridalBulge

Back on the Wagon

Back on the Wagon….what a funny expression. I have been absent from this for about 6 months. A long amount of time where I have become uninspired and unmotivated. NO MORE will I be un-anything…..

Healthy mind, body, and soul. All things which I can control. To the things, and people, which I can’t control I will simply allow to feelings to roll off my back. 

Therapy…

Art…

Exercise…

Alcohol use….(see therapy)

Stress….(see therapy)

Well its Fall in Kentucky. And if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend making the trip. It is my favorite time of year for many reasons but the biggest reason is that I love FALL CLOTHES!  If I only looked good in them. But that’s the master plan. 

Aaron and I have been engaged for one year and we have about 7 months to go before the wedding. I have ordered my dress, we have had engagement photos, we have had our beautiful engagement party. During all of this I have been overly concerned about my weight because I haven’t met my goals. I stopped trying. I became too easily swayed by food and sleep and social gatherings. My life and body have paid the price. 

First I want to talk about Therapy. I have always enjoyed it. I have always recommended it to others and yet I put the breaks on going for too long. I had my 3rd session today with Sue and I am feeling normal again. Aaron and I are both going and we are seeing great improvements in our communication. 

Art…I am painting again. I am inspired. I am putting my art out there. Taking my art work to a coffee house on Thursday to hang it and then finishing some pieces to hang Nov 4th there as well. 

Exercise is going to be the hard one for me. It is the easiest thing in the world for me to avoid. A loves to go. He would go every day if he could. I HATE exercise. BUT I’m seeing the need. Just diet alone didn’t do any good in changing my body type. I would yoyo for months before ending up the same weight I started at. The only thing that has ever worked is exercise. A and I have decided to do the Kentucky Derby Mini Marathon next year in April. It is a month before our wedding and it is something we can train for and do together. I have always wanted to be a runner but it is something that I’ve never put enough effort into making myself do. 13.1 miles to me at this point might as well be 1300 miles. I have to think baby steps and prepare. Just putting a bag of work out clothes in the car would be a good step, because once I’m home…I’m home.  Soooo I will do the baby steps…I will focus on the goal of the race and not the weight…it is about being in shape not about what size I get into. I also need to be one of the people who post their exercise habits on Facebook. Annoying but accountable. 

Alcohol use…  I have been on antibiotic for 3 days now and haven’t had anything to drink and I feel great. I am curious to see how the next 2 weeks go. 

Stress…. Take what I can handle and let people know what I can’t. Put in 8 hours of work and go home. Always take a lunch break. Don’t over commit. Put myself as a priority. Don’t try to control everything. AND LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH it off. 

210#…..70# to go

214 day until wedding

Little bit more

Big loss from yesterday!! 189.4!!!!! So excited to get out of the 190’s. Big surprise bc i was so sick. I barley moved all day yesterday.

I’m off today so I am going to cook some healthy meals for the weekend and clean and workout. If I surround myself with a positive environment I will see positive results. Think I will just rock out and dance my calories off.

Grapefruit
Oranges
Veggie soup
HCG spaghetti

Looking for 1.5lbs for tomorrow!!

5 am

Never a good sign to be up this early. Wish I could say that I’m going for a run or had great enthusiasm to meet the sun but I’m sick.

And so is the sweetest girl in the world, my soon-to-be stepdaughter. We had to take her to the hospital last night. She’s got a major respiratory infection and I’m thinking I’ve comedown with something as well.

I can tell you one positive thing about yesterday, I fall more in love with my fiancé every day. He is such an amazing father. To see him take care of his daughter is the most endearing sight.

I wasn’t able to stick to the diet plan last night. For dinner I had a couple of handfuls of trail mix. Probably 300-400 calories. It baffles me how I can eat my HCG spaghetti with miracle noodles to stay under 300 calories and feel satisfied but 2 handfuls of trail mix is 400 calories.

Haven’t weighed in yet but I am thinking I will see some good results.

My mom reordered my engagement party dress yesterday. Its beautiful. Black with copper and gold sparkles. I bought it in a size 10 bc it was the last one at the store and I thought I would need a good goal. But then reality set in and she found a 12 for me at another store. Better to be realistic and not look like 10lbs of s**t shoved into a 5lb bag:)

I know that I’m supposed to be happy with myself and all the inner beauty jargon but I am really excited to be smaller an healthier. I cant wait to show my mom The progress I’ve made. It will e around 2 months since I had seen her by the time she and my dad come for the engagement party. I hope to be down 20-25lbs from our Christmas visit. When my fiancé and I went to visit in September she asked me if I had considered lap-band. I don’t know if she was saying it to shock me or if she didn’t realize it is for the morbidly obese. Maybe she thinks at a size 18 and 210lbs that I was morbidly obese. Either way, it hurt. We have had a strange relationship in regards to my body image.

I mentioned yesterday that she is a tiny person. She is 5’2” and probably 130 lbs. She is beautiful and petite. Always has been. There is a kinda funny story that happened last year when she came to visit me. I say kinda funny for a reason….

My tiny mother, who is perfectly manicured, had never actually had a manicure. I have been going to the same shop for years and love my nail girls. I set up an appointment for us to have an afternoon of beauty so we could catch up and relax( which is something she doesn’t do well).

My nail girl is Thuy ( pronounced Twee) and she is so sweet and very much your typical Vietnamese nail technician. My mom is seated next to me soaking while Thuy is working on my toes and the two if them are chatting about nothing important. Thuy then asks how we know each other and I explain that she is my mother visiting from Texas. Thuy gets this excited look on her face and says “oooohhhh, your mother beautiful woman…….. You must look like your father!”

Let me first say that my father is a Very good looking man and that I do look like him( in a girly way). Because of her enthusiasm and language barrier I know that she did not mean it as an insult. It was a surreal moment. I felt like I was on some kind of sitcom about the chubby girl and her beautiful mother.

This incident pretty much sums up the dynamic that my mother and I have about my weight.

Ok. Weigh in time~~~~~

193.1

Going in the right direction. I had been down to 190.5 and struggled last week. I would like to see that number by the weekend. And then I would have 10 days to see 179! That would be 30 lbs. I have noticed such a difference in what I’ve lost already that I can’t wait to see how my shape will change at 179.

Totally doable!!

Mid day

Very satisfied as of now. Sometimes I think a secret to feeling more full is the warm sensation.

Food diary so far:

Coffee: about 50 calories
Grapefruit: 100 calories
Chili: 150 calories

Calories left: 200

2 weeks

2 weeks is a very deceptive time frame. On one hand it seems like a decent amount of time to achieve a goal but in reality it is 14 days. 2 weeks. 10 week days and 2 tempting weekends. To be more specific I have two more weeks until I complete my 2nd round of HcG.
HCG is a pretty extreme diet that gets extreme results. I have lost 20 lbs. although I should have lost 40 by now. I have no excuse. I have given in to the sweets. I drank the wine. My fiancé has the biggest sweet tooth of all time and flaunt his chocolate in front of me like Eddie Murphy with ice cream.

But today I am turning inward for strength. I will stay on track. I have an engagement party in 4 weeks and I want so badly to be a size 12. (I was a size 18when I started out) I thought I could journal here (since no one follows me) and keep myself honest.

I do have multiple and wonderful support systems I place. My mother is very encouraging. She is a tiny person who wants me to feel my best. My girls at work are trained to say “Wedding Dress” if I look at a piece of Chocolate! My fiancé wants me to be happy so I’ll be naked more often. He loves me the way I am,but I would like to be the way I am in a smaller package.

I have been the same weight for two weeks and I want to break through to the next decade , so to speak. It has been over a decade since I have been at my goal weight of 135lbs. That’s hard to believe but I know that it’s in there. 55 lbs to go!! That feels daunting.

But for these 2 weeks I would like to loose 12lbs. If you’re not on HCG that probably sounds crazy but it’s not. I lost 8 lbs my first week. I know that this is not a diet you can maintain, but it has helped me get to a more positive attitude about my body. I feel better having cut out so much sugar, fat and alcohol from my system.

I never realize how many calories are consumed on a girls night with wine tortilla chips. My number one guilty pleasure is Mexican Food. I can’t really talk about it because I WILL start craving it.

Ok down to brass tacks….. My weigh in! :(( Noooooo I’ve lied. I’m back up to 194. Wow. It took a lot of sacrifice to get that weight off.

Ok this is it. I’m mad and I want to get hit my 179 goal in 2 weeks. Key to success is planning meals, taking drops, drinking water.

Meals

Grapefruit breakfast 9am
Apple lunch 11am
HCG chili lunch 1pm
Grapefruit snack 4 pm
HCG spaghetti dinner 7.
1 gallon water

Goal 1.5 lbs

One positive is that I have a busy day so there will be little time for grazing. And all of the Chocolate is out of the house. Hard part is that I have Art Club tonight and it is always a wine kinda crowd. I will buy a sparking water and make the best of it.

Here I go!!